


under the ash

by luvbeom



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Angst, Depression, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:06:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvbeom/pseuds/luvbeom
Summary: i wish to be lost in your arms





	under the ash

**Author's Note:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNING***

If Jaebeom was ice, Youngjae was fire. 

Burning through Jaebeom’s life like a wild flame with no mercy. 

Leaving behind nothing but ash and destruction. 

He thawed out Jaebeom’s cold heart. He used his honey words and warming, gentle touches. 

Jaebeom had believed the “i will never hurt you’s”.

He let Youngjae’s burning touches fill him with hope and adoration. 

Youngjae had other plans. 

He burned his way down Jaebeom’s throat with sweet, spicy kisses as he mumbled sweet words into Jaebeom’s skin.

Jaebeom had believed every word as Youngjae’s kisses bruised his lips and his grip bruised his hips, leaving behind beautiful blue fingerprints into Jaebeom’s pale skin.

Youngjae’s golden skin gleamed in the sunlight and made him look like he was kissed by the sun and not by Jaebeom. 

Youngjae stared into his eyes as he mumbled “you’re beautiful” and kissed the top of his forehead.

Jaebeom wasn’t beautiful, he was broken.

Jaebeom smiled before snuggling back into Youngjae’s warmth.

He melted Jaebeom into a puddle of attachment. 

His ice cold demeanor now an object of the past. 

Youngjae’s bright smile burned a hole in the void of Jaebeom’s frigid soul.

Jaebeom smiled back but he was sure it would never be as blinding as Youngjae’s.

Days passed.

Months passed. 

The earth made its circle around the sun as Youngjae circled his arms around Jaebeom’s waist. 

Jaebeom had believed the “i love you’s”.   
A year passed. 

Jaebeom‘s coldness came back like an avalanche crashing down a slope. 

He cried into his palms on the icy bathroom floor with warm blood dripping down his frail frigid wrists.

Youngjae busted in the door and the light in his face disappeared. 

He screamed.

He called the ambulance for “help”.

Jaebeom laughed bitterly.

Youngjae wrapped his arms around Jaebeom’s waist as he sobbed into his black hair. 

“I’m sorry” he muttered into Jaebeom’s scalp. 

He held pressure over the slits in Jaebeom’s wrists.

It wasn’t Youngjae’s fault he was broken.

He snuggled his head deeper into Youngjae’s neck. 

The paramedics separated them to carry Jaebeom on a stretcher. 

Jaebeom felt as if his soul was being ripped in half as Youngjae weeped as they carried him off. 

“I’m sorry” he thought aloud as the blood drained from his body.

Days passed.

Youngjae visited him in the hospital with bright flowers and even brighter smiles.

He shined brightly against the white walls.

Months passed.

Jaebeom didn’t get better. 

Youngjae’s smile dulled every second that went by.

A year passed.

Youngjae’s arms hugged Jaebeom against him so tightly, Jaebeom thought their ribs would crack open and their hearts would merge.

“I love you” Youngjae said into Jaebeom’s chest as he kissed down and down and down.

Jaebeom arched into the touch and clinged to the words like a fly would cling to honey.

Jaebeom’s skin was bruised in bright electric purples and dark deep blues.

He thought they were beautiful as he stared at his naked body in the mirror.

Youngjae appeared behind him and kissed his shoulder.

“I’m sorry” He mumbled into the skin.

Jaebeom only smiled at the reflection.

More days passed.

Jaebeom didn’t get any better.

Youngjae didn’t push.

“I love you just the way you are” he whispered into Jaebeom’s throat.

Jaebeom just sighed softly.

Months flew by.

Bruises decorated Jaebeom’s bare body.

They were in contrast with the deep red cuts all over his body.

He thought they were lovely. 

Youngjae didn’t.

Another year passed.

Youngjae was drunk.

“Why do you hurt yourself, Jaebeom?”

Jaebeom just stared ahead.

“I love you”

Jaebeom stared.

Youngjae scoffed and downed the rest of his scorching liquor.

Jaebeom watched as his adam’s apple moved with the gulps.

Youngjae stared into Jaebeom’s eyes and then pressed wet kisses on his mouth.

The liquor burned Jaebeom’s lips 

He didn’t mind.

Jaebeom buried his head into the crook of Youngjae’s neck. 

He felt a wetness seep through his hair.

He looked up and saw that Youngjae was crying.

“What if next time I don’t make?”

Jaebeom wiped the tears off Youngjae’s cheeks with his thumbs.

Jaebeom wished he could say there wouldn’t be a next time.

Instead, he just smiled and kissed Youngjae.

Days flew by.

“Jaebeom, would you consider seeing a counselor?”

Jaebeom froze and almost dropped the dish he was washing.

“For me?”

Jaebeom slowly nodded as Youngjae broke into a wide smile.

It was blinding.

Jaebeom grinned back.

Months passed.

They put Jaebeom in the hospital.

Youngjae hadn’t visited since he was enrolled.

Jaebeom stared at the poster of the smiling sun they had taped to the wall.

He called Youngjae.

“We’re sorry. The num-”

Jaebeom slammed the phone onto the reciever.

He scowled as he walked to his tiny room.

It felt as if Youngjae tore open his ribcage and grabbed his heart with his scorching palms. 

He burned his heart till it pumped no blood and was burnt and black as a piece of coal.

A year passed.

Jaebeom stared at the fireworks blasting in the sky.

He wondered who was in Youngjae’s arms.

Jaebeom shivered.

He missed the sensation of the warmth seeping through cold aching bones.

“He’s never coming back for you. They never do.”

The girl across from him spoke.

Jaebeom just stared.

She was probably right.

Days passed again.

The doctors said Jaebeom was free to go.

They said he was better. 

He believed them.

He went to the front gate to be released and then he saw him.

His hair, long and black, pushed behind his ear.

He smiled as Jaebeom walked towards him.

It made Jaebeom’s heart beat.

“I thought it would be better for you if you thought about yourself for once.”

Jaebeom just stared.

Youngjae’s eyebrows wrinkled as he stared at Jaebeom under the bright sun.

Ironic.

“Let’s go home.” He said more as a question than a statement.

Jaebeom nodded.

Youngjae smiled.

Maybe Jaebeom would be better.

As long as he had the light in his life leading him through the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am back with more trash but i hope you enjoyed hehe! ;) also i DO NOT support believing you can only be happy with a spouse its just how the story turned out


End file.
